Waiting and Wondering
I wrote this months ago after a friend shared she’s waiting for a husband and wondering why she’s still single. She let me publish my response, because the topic is on the minds of many. In honor of our anniversary (today), I freshened up the original version. May you find hope that God has a plan for your life and perhaps be encouraged by knowing a bit of our story.
Dear Friend,
I've been thinking about you and our conversation. You said people around you are getting engaged and married. While you’re happy for them, you can’t help but wonder — what about me?
I remember the same thoughts, the same pressure. For years, I watched dear friends and cousins date, get engaged, and then marry. Like you, I was thrilled for them but also wondered why a guy hadn’t turned his attention toward me — especially ones that would have interested me. Honestly, it was a challenging season.
I recall making a conscious decision. Rather than focusing on my reality (and become admittedly sadder), I decided to use the time to focus on what God wanted me to do — and frankly what I wanted to do. I began to intentionally pursue things that brought me joy — which happened to be the very things God had given me the skills to do.
The path led from teaching Sunday School in Jamaica to working at the White House. I called my grandparents from Air Force One. I briefed America’s leaders and saw presidents, prime ministers, Billy Graham, and the Pope. I even did convoy security in a war zone and aimed my service pistol at threats. Bible history became real after exploring the Babylonian ruins in Iraq. Through the bond of war, an Iraqi family and I grew close — we now watch our sons play!
I learned a lot.
Most importantly, I learned God can take a regular Texas girl and do “exceedingly abundantly” beyond her imagination.
The Lord took me on an amazing journey that would have been impossible had I been married. But, these adventures pale as I consider the man God brought into my life. The Lord provided a wonderful husband, and I still call him Mr. Perfect!
Along my winding journey, I didn't realize two things that now I see:
Every single path led me one step closer to my husband.
God was molding me into a person that mirrored my husband’s experiences — resulting in a deeper friendship and a more special marriage.
The Lord took two people with identical values — but differing religious backgrounds — and put them on paths that led to one another. Our similar journeys melted the differences into mutual understanding, respect, and love focused first on our Lord. As a result, I make a better wife to him; he makes a better husband to me.
Rascal Flatts recorded a song that reminds me of our journeys.
I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road . . .
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you . . .
This much I know is true that God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.
The “broken road” included long years of waiting, wondering, and watching as family and friends married. Many questioned why I was single. Some thought I had waited too long. They said my expectations were too high.
I was still single, because God had a plan — a perfect plan.
My husband and I would have been totally mismatched had we met earlier. God needed each to take about a 15 to 20-year journey before He introduced us. The journeys we took now unify us more closely, so that we are truly one in marriage, one in life, one in friendship, and one as parents.
(And, what of my high expectations? God surpassed them with the man he brought me!)
If you are walking with God, then God will handle the introductions. He is the ultimate matchmaker.
Ignore others who say you need to get married. Don’t equate the lack of dating, engagement, or marriage with life not working out. Avoid thinking you made a mistake or somehow missed finding your husband.
Ladies, don’t fret that skipping a social event will result in not finding your husband.
Gentlemen, avoid thinking you messed up and somehow missed out on your wife.
Let me repeat — the absence of a spouse does not mean you made a mistake. That’s not how our Heavenly Father works. Your Dad wouldn’t respond like that, and your Heavenly Father loves you even more!
If by some quirk you somehow overlooked meeting the person you’re supposed to marry, don’t you think Almighty God will set it right? Are you so powerful that you can upend God’s overarching plans? Of course not!
Pray to God. Walk with God. Trust God.
The Lord says, “you are precious to Me,” and “I love you,” so, will not our Lord “do what is right?” Trust that you are exactly where God wants you.
As I waited for my future husband to appear, my best wisdom was from my parents. No matter your age, listen to your parents. They really do know a lot! Listen also to your Heavenly Father telling you, “I know the plans I have for you.”
Do not worry that God will have you wait as long as we did. God had that plan for us; that's our story. God has a wonderful and specific plan for you; that's YOUR story!
The Lord is working in this moment, this day, this week, this month, and this year.
Keep trusting God. Keep taking each step toward Him. He will lead you to the person He has for you.
God has purpose in your waiting. You may not yet see it, but someday you'll look back. It will all make sense.
You’ll then encourage others to wait for God’s perfect plan and providential timing.
You will share your own story of how God led you to each other — so you can serve Him together as husband and wife on the path He planned long ago for you both.
Grant me, O Lord my God . . . faithful perseverance in waiting for you.
Saint Thomas Aquinas
The Lord . . . is worth waiting for. The Lord’s people have always been a waiting people.
Pastor Charles H. Spurgeon